I’m supposed to “like” this photo on a certain social media site. Except I didn’t.  Because it’s the story of my life. All I’ve ever done is survive. Made it through a whole series of gawd awful days and some days that were just days. And also survived a string of days   where I just hung on because I thought surely things would redeem themselves  once those days were over. Except they didn’t. The series of days just waited a minute, changed shape, and started again, leaving me to just hang on some more.
So I really don’t take any hope from this photo. Because I know its true. The series of days will start again soon and I’ll have to hang on some more and survive even more. I’m tired of surviving. I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to live the kind of life I see others living, where they have friends, hope, options, and a kind of life where they don’t have to live hand to mouth. Where when they’re sad because one more person in a line of two or three million has made the sad or taken advantage or dumped on them because they’re handy, strong and can take it because surviving has made the strong, they have someone to turn to to talk to instead of updating their blog.
Frankly, I don’t want to survive anymore.